I’ve invited a scary person in my life. He challenges my every thing I do, everything I say and everything I believe. His name is Doubt. Doubt, also brings me incredible peace to me. Because even though he forces me to enter into places I don’t want to go, he forces me to enter into place I don’t want to go, and that seems to be beautiful. For it is the true artist, who doesn’t want to play the same role twice. It is the artist, who enters into scary territories, in order to master his art.
Doubt causes me pain because doubt reveals to me my insecurities. Doubt causes me to enter into my own suffering and reveal my frailty. But, doubt is becoming my best friend, because in my own frailty and insecurities, I am able to appreciate the beauty of others. Never have I appreciated children so much. Their smiles, their freedom, their energy is no longer seen as a nuisance but as a blessing. Doubt is no longer as a friend that confines me, but, gives me the utmost freedom to explore the depths of my soul. Doubt reveals to me darkness, my weakness and pain, and moves me into a place of beauty.
My friend Doubt has a friend named ignorance. Ignorance is “perfect”. Ignorance has it all together. Ignorance believes all the “right things”. Ignorance, has no expanse because he perceives that he has already arrived. He tries to get my friend Doubt, to conform, so that Doubt can “arrive”. What Ignorance doesn’t know though, is that he lives in great fear. And, fear is void of love. Ignorance is alone, and, even though Doubt suffers in uncertainty, the expanse in his being has given him a great capacity for love. For he wants to know what it truly means to be alive.
If life is our goal, maybe, we should be less certain and more open.