I think there are a few of you there like me, when you sit in the dark, your thoughts race, your heart pounds, your soul aches, and the shame pours on like April showers. Your spirit falls apart, and your walls crash in. Guilt becomes a predator, and consumes you fully.
Days goes by. Sin devours you and me.
Months go on, and we lose hope.
Years pass, and we are dead.
I am the prodigal son, so very often. So, I go on in my ways, and, I return, expecting nothing, and, by my surprise, I am embraced in the love of my father.
One time, I was sharing some of my struggles with someone. They were not comfortable with what I was doing, so they went to some of our peers behind my back, and, they talked me about it. They told me about how terrible I was, and, how I was falling away from God. I felt like they were throwing stones at me.
There’s this passage in the Gospel of John about this woman who was caught in adultery. Some religious people brought her to Jesus, preparing for her execution. Jesus knew what they wanted to do, and, defended her. He said that the perfect person can throw the first stone at her. After, they left their intentions to kill her. Jesus says “Go and leave your life of sin”
When I place my feet in her shoes the conversation goes like this-
“Hey, you know how much I love you. If I didn’t, I’d leave you for dead. I love you so much. So much, that I don’t want you to mingle in those things. They leave you empty and hopeless. Can I be enough for you? Can I fill the holes that these things are filling? Please stop.”
Where does the guilt and shame come from?
Jesus is not condemning me.
Maybe, like the prodigal son, and, the woman at the well, we need a touch of grace.