Someday, I’d like to be myself.

Its an interesting thing, being made in the image of God, you know? On one hand, our bodies are so finite, so imperfect, so mundane. And on the other, they are so beautiful, so mesmerizing, and inspiring. And, a soul can be so ugly. So full of hatred, bitterness, and darkness. Yet, it can be so beautiful, so hopeful and so freeing.

Most days, I don’t know who I am. Most days, I do things I don’t understand. And, when I stare into my heart there is a great well. A great well of sorrow, pain, but, also, love and peace. The more I dig through my heart, the more I realize there is there.

Something I know, but, can’t contemplate, is that God is an infinite being. So, I have concepts and ideas of who he is, and he may partially be those things, but, they are so much bigger and beautiful than I can understand. This is also the DNA, I, and, you are made of.

Someday, I’ll probably marry a woman. And, I will spend the rest of my life finding out who she is. At the end of my life, I will have some sense of who she is, but, also, in another way, there will still be things I won’t get.

I will never know myself fully. If I could, I would probably know you fully, know God fully, and, that isn’t possible. So today, I am left with a fractured understanding of who I am. All I can live with, is a fractured understanding of who I am. The rest of my life, is a journey trying to figure myself out, figure God out, and those around me. But, as soon as I say this is who I am or who they are, or who you are, you are so much infinitely better than that, because, our DNA that we are created in, is so much bigger than I could ever contemplate.

My prayer is that someday, I’d like to be myself (Until then, all I get is a fractured vision).


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