This year, I believe, has been a still one. Not that it wasn’t meaningful, rather, it was incredibly meaningful. This year, has become one of clarity. And, this isn’t because of a clarity from life, or of God, or others, but rather, my life is a year removed from trauma. My life, is a year away from traumatic events. A year removed from dramatic betrayal, but, more importantly, a year engaged in radical fidelity.
It was a year removed from being told that I am worthless, and, slowly believing it less. And, a year, of encountering a resurrected Christ, who tells me how much I am worth to him.
So this year, here are things I have noticed about myself, the world, and God.
1. I swear so much more this year than ever before. I find freedom saying it now, rather than just saying it in my head.
2. I smoke probably too many cigars.
3. I realize more this year, how much I need God. I’ve only realized this, because, I’ve engaged with him more than ever.
4. I’ve realized more this year, how much I need people. Like to God, I’ve realized this with engagement. This realization has come from actual dialogue, not surface crap that I write about on Facebook.
5. I am more mystical than ever. Most people interpret this as a bad thing, but, this has come from a realization that there is more to God, than I could ever even imagine. There is more to a human being than I could ever imagine. And, I want to explore these infinite depths of God and human more than ever before.
6. I read and listen to remarkable people all the time, but, no one shows me how to be set free from darkness more than the guys at my group home. They’re my greatest spiritual advisers. They show me everyday infinite worth, unconditional love, and freedom of judgment. I would like to be like them, a little more each day, because, they are more like Christ then anyone I have ever met. It is probably the best part of my life, being able to serve them and learn from them.
7. I know, I am a sinner. So, right now I am trying to learn to give myself freedom to sin. Not pursuing Cheap Grace, but, rather accepting the fact that I sin, and, trying to move on, rather than guilting the hell out of myself. The continuation of this, is also my goal for 2010. I want to accept myself and others as they are.
8. I know, you’re sweet, whether or not I know it or believe it.