Have you ever done any self reflection?
This week, at its best, has been a crappy one. Besides being hounded by 3 planned surgeries for my family,vehicles breaking down, constant updates for a lot of people, school stress and sleeping less than normal (which is very little to begin with). It serves a reminder, of my own frail humanity.
So this morning, I woke up, and, I found myself enraged. Most people who know me, who truly know me, know that I suffer with possible moderate depression at times, great lengths of guilt and shame, but, even in the midst of all of this, I am still an upbeat person, or, as the ChanhassenVillager has come to describe me as, jovial.
Searching through my self all morning, I found what I believe was rage because of a wanting to control my current situation. I want to control my families health and financial woes of the week, I want to control my school situation and I want to sleep more.
While, this may seem a trivial blog about my day and week, the thought here by me, is not that I was just angry, but, I was angry with a purpose, or, maybe, better, a reason.
The more I look into my heart, my mind, my motives and whatever internal essence I have, I find that there is an eternal matter to explore. Shaped and developed by 22 years of life, love, hate and everything in between.
When I am able to keep this in mind, in the presence of others, I am able to remember that the human is not a shallow thing, but rather, something that is profoundly simple and complex all in one. While the matter of our being and our very essence is extremely complex, so lies a simplicity that is found in our stories and our experiences.
The human being is not something that be objected to a physical appearance, nor, a one time engagement, but, rather, a life time of exploration and experience.
In the Christian conquest, to not view women with lust. The first problem would seem to be a value that would be compromised with the culture in consumerism. We consume woman, we buy into their slutty molds and their trampy exteriors. Yet, even then, we do not engage with the idea that they are human subjects, not, human objects. When we begin to see them as people rich in internal value, we are able to move beyond external value. And, as we explore the human subjectivity, our lust for the female body, will no longer be a lust, but, rather, a longing for physical intimacy that we have been able to transcend with our exploration of them.
All in all, this is a long blog, and if you have reached this point, I congratulate you.