The peaceful abyss

For months now, I have been falling. At first, I was scared, because I didn’t know where I was going to land. Now, this fall has continues, but, with the silent whisper of a promise, that I will not hit the ground.

I don’t know where I am going to be a year from now.

I don’t know who I will be a year from now.

But, as another gallstone hit me tonight, I felt this resolving peace, a peace I have never known. Its one that I am alright. Alright with God, but actually, more importantly possibly, I am alright with me. Wrestling through my memories, I have reconciled most of them. I feel like I am not managing my wars anymore, but, in silent surrender, they have abandoned me, or maybe, I have abandoned them.

So, as I continue my fall through the abyss of me, God, and the world around, I know that colors shine bright, not, because seasons don’t change, but, because I feel redeemed. Redeemed for my past. Redeemed for my present. The guilt is diminishing rapidly, and, I feel free to love more wrecklessly than I have before.

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