A side of me I don’t understand

I find myself to be incredibly complex. I’m a bro by all means. I love to go to B-Dubs with friends and watch UFC. I love sports. I’m a die hard Minnesota Timberwolves fan. I would rather watch a Timberwolves loss than a Vikings victory. In my angry rage years of High School and early College, I found a love in heavy music (one of my favorite memories, was the night I got to watch August Burns Red at a concert I booked, video below). Smoking cigars is probably my absolute favorite thing if I got the right people and the right environment. Also, I love dogs, and, someday, I hope to get a boxer or a bull mastiff.

That being said, there is another side to me, a side I don’t understand, but, a side I equally love.

I like to read GQ. I love to explore how plaid, sweaters, bright colors and vests can appear in a masculine way. When I go to stores, I love to test hair products and cologne (Sean John makes good stuff). Also, when I go to the movies, the idea of seeing a Drew Barrymore movie will win me over before a Jason Statham. The thing I want to learn most this year is not anything associated with masculinity, but, I hope to learn how to dance.

I think this all dives into a bigger part of my heart right now, and, that is that I am captivated by the space of God. So often we try to put God in a box (as I tend to do), and, our boxes look far to like ourselves or the context in which our society runs (in this case a sexist and patriarchal society), and, I want no part of this. If it is true, that we’re in God’s image, then we have to say that being feminine is part of the deity. Things like compassion and nurturing, which are associated with God, are, typically not characteristic of masculine living (as 300 is our role model for living (I thoroughly enjoy that movie)). So, I hope to be entrenched in this sphere or space of God, that explore not only the masculine, but, also the feminine, combining, to me, to be human.

This is a side that I am alien too, and, hope to explore it fuller.


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