When I was at College once my college professor told me “Mike, its good you’re only becoming a youth pastor, you won’t be doing the “real” ministry. I’ll pray you’ll find your way again”.
In my heart, this was deeply damaging, not only because she was cutting me off and not making space for me in the church, but, also, it also killed the desire and pursuit of my heart. I do have her to thank, however, because, in that deeply hurtful conversation, she birthed a new desire.
Most people who get to see this ambition, have forsaken it, and, have abandoned me in the process, the desire continues. And, even in the moments, where I fall to my knees, and, am reminded of the painful places I have been, and, look at the scars, I am reminded, that I was hurt, but, I survived.
Whether it be through youth ministry, writing, or however, I know my desire to be lived out, at least, and, especially right now, is to subvert the Church. To bring forth the questions of our hearts and minds, and wrestle, in love. To bring fourth our issues and concerns to the cross, and, ask Jesus what it means to live in reconciliation with each other.
I don’t want anyone to endure some of the hostility I faced in High School and College for questioning, rejecting and seeking a new way. I feel, as if, these instances gives me a purpose for enduring them.