The doctor told me there is a 1 in 10,000 chance that they cut the wrong valve and something serious goes wrong, here’s some words if this happens to be me.
Regret, is no way to live through life. Sorrow and grief may consume us, however, these are the very things that can serve as opportunities of light, hope, reconciliation and liberation for those who are in the same place you are. Beauty, as I see it, does not manifest itself out of beautiful places, it is, however, produced out of the groaning of your soul and the vulnerability of your heart. It is in these times, when our souls ache, and our hearts and mind can no longer continue, when we get our last stretch, our final breaths, and, in our silent and violent surrender, that we can actually see. And, through our sight, we gain the strength we need to endure the few following steps. As we re-visit the path we have tread, our exhaustion leads us to not some great revelation, or answer. What we find is a heart that has been unattended, and, is yearning for us to answer its questions. A great answer may make our day, but, a great question can re-shape our life. For many of us, our exhaustion is too much to bare, and, the thought of maintaining a life like this, drives us into further states of depression, hostility and loneliness.
The cure for this, albeit generic, would seem to be love. It is in our great depths of sorrow and grief, that love finds its meaning, because, it is not in the happy and trivial moments where love is produced, it is produced in the aching of our hearts and souls, and, when we have lost everything, continuing on in our grief and sorrow, these are the moments where the question becomes its answer. These are the moments in which, we have not obtained a religious state. These are the moments in which, we have actually embodied what it means to incarnate God to a dark and broken world.
Lay everything aside today, take a moment, pause, and, feel your soul. Listen to your thoughts when you have to stop doing, and seek out the state of your being. When our guilt and shame arise, we can choose to reject them, and, continue on living for an answer, or, we can stop and embrace this guilt and shame. It is in this embracing, that we can truly find how far away we are from ourselves, and, how far we are away from those around us. When we begin to reconcile these things, it is here again, where we can incarnate God not only to the broken world around, but, the broken world inside us.