This morning I was subtly, softly and cordially invited to a thought in prayer: What are you becoming today?
I have one of the best friends in the world. He lives very close to me, he is a bit older than me and we have an absolutely selfless relationship with each other. Every week we get together once or twice a week. We talk about theology. We talk about grief. We talk about recovery. We swear profusely at each other. We talk about friendship, family and love. He is my anxiety director.
And, every week he gently brings me into the place of being. He is always allowing me to be in what I am.
What I am today:
I am angry.
I am sad.
I am broken by the hurt I could potentially cause to people I care about, people I love. Lately, I have been violently weeping because of this. Hour after hour, at night. Eyes as red as a freshly smoked pot head. My eyes as puffy as the most delicate and delicious pastry from your bakery of choice.
I am present.
I am alive.
By being present in what I am, I allow something bigger and wonderful to present herself to me. She speaks the words into my ears “You are my beloved, and, I am with you.” I violently resist, in my attempts to surrender myself to carnal desire, of violence and retribution. But, she speaks enough peace that I allow in to daily move on. She allows me to be what I am, but, she confines me with grace and hope. And, over time, I am becoming more like her.
The truth is this, we cannot escape who we are. We are, who we are. We are, what we are. We need to embrace this in its fullest manifestation of life and death. We are death. We are life.
Be yourself today. Its enough. Invite something bigger and better than you to sit with you and wrestle with you.