I can find myself relating to Marilyn Monroe. Besides being sex icons for our generations, there is a dark side to Marilyn Monroe that many did not know of. She grew up in foster homes and denied the own existence of her father. Her mother had abandoned her at the age of eight after being deemed to unstable to raise her child. The man, she believed to be her father, was chosen by her because she thought he looked like Clark Gable. The foster homes she grew up in, had reported by people living it, that Marilyn had been Physically and Sexually abused. This started an abundance in behavior that would lead to an early and tragic death.
Norman Mailer, a great artist of the 20th Century, described Monroe of having two sides to her. That of the sexual icon, social aristocrat and fantasy for men everywhere. And, that of the abused, neglected and forgotten little girl. The two had conflicted throughout her whole career, until, the end of her life where her dark side took over, she wouldn’t let men touch her or get near her, because, she felt so violated by them. She couldn’t sleep and became addicted to sleeping pills, the very thing that would kill her, just to numb the pain of her childhood.
When I look at my life, I feel the anguish of things that have happened to me and around me, I feel the anger, depression and hopelessness of my inner child. And, when I don’t tend to this little child, care for him, listen to him, and, be with him, I am hell-bent on my own destruction. I listen to all the lies of my religious upbringing, I engage in obsessive behaviors of all sorts and formulate ideas of who I am, that are clearly contradictory of the nature I project.
We are all whores of sort. Marilyn flaunted her voluptuous curves all over magazine, newspapers and movies, she was broken and acted out on her brokenness. Are you broken? Are you angry? Are you bitter? Are you cynical? Are you a gossip? Are you promiscuous? We are all bent on losing the divine innocence that we have. In fact, losing our innocence is thought highly of. Why else would losing our virginity so young, getting drunk as teens and taking drugs from our friends be so highly thought of?
We are all broken little kids. And, while our brokenness may not lead us down a path where our death is found in the form of sleeping pills, we do die from the things that cause us anxiety, depression and stress. If we want to have fullness of life, we need to be in community with ourselves, to tend to the little ones within us. We need to learn to be compassionate, to go to the dying places of life, and, plead for life, plead for mercy, plead for peace, plead for forgiveness, so we can find some sort of life, in a world of chaos. Otherwise, all we will be left with is a life full of chaotic and personal endeavors, suited to fill the shape of our suffering.