We have been conditioned to be desire the undesirable, to want the unwantable, to be the unbeable. We have a culture that says that once I have this, then I will be satisfied. We have a Church that has eternity as its destination. We expect perfection, and, we expect it now. Because our anxieties, depressions and business of our life, are desires are convoluted by the lies of our cultures (Familial, Friendships, Churches, Political and Sociological) and they teach us to strive for the unstrivable.If I was to listen to my social structures most, if not all would say to strive for the perfect image life.
One would say to be the perfect pastor, the one who stands up from the pulpit saying we need to get our lives together. To tell people they need to get the right doctrine, to keep their noses buried in the Bible, and, to pray 2.4 hours a day (as a former professor of mine said good Christians do), because we are too tithe our time to God.
Another one would say for me to be to live an absolutely content life. One where I would remain hush on everything I’ve lived, endured, seen and overcome. They’d prefer that I be a teacher, because, I can communicate well with others. Marry someone who would suppress my feelings, thoughts and desires.
One might say, make as much money as you can. Marry someone who looks like Scarlett Johannson or Katy Perry. I would have my 2.3 kids, but, I would work 60 hours a week, so I’d hire a nanny or a tutor, to raise them while I work long nights. I’d neglect my wife, and, knock my boots with my slightly hotter secretary.
When I am honest with my hearts true desires, I know what I want. I want to communicate that there is hope, that there is healing, that there is a light, and, that they are loved. That if someone like me can make it through life, then they can have a life worth living.
I want a family and friends, that despite my imperfections, fights for me through and through. That when, I feel like checking out because I am exhausted and annoyed, they would fight for me to remind me they want me there. They teach me to stop and smell the roses, to enjoy the conversation with a glass of wine, and, watching a movie while eating popcorn. Hopefully, I will have a wife who will want to learn how to dance with me (a long-held desire for me). They will want to travel with me, sharing and embracing my story, and, me, embracing theirs. This life will be the grace, to my destructive self.
The honest truth, about my life, is that I am remarkably screwed up. The most influential people in my life, remind me daily, that they are screwed up, and, that its okay. That when we allow grace for ourselves.
Another truth is that the perfect life is not obtainable in this life. People are going to hurt me. I am going to hurt them. I will check out in front of my children. I will not always listen to my wife. I will be consumed in my work more than with what is truly important. But, I know I will have the type of people in my life who will help me get nearer to perfection. Because, life prevails and love wins. And, my heart is a work that’s being brought into completion.