God in sex

Sex is death. At least for the 1 in 3 women, and, the 1 in 5 men who are sexually abused. Or, for the unfortunate eight million people who struggle with eating disorders and are insecure about their physical image. Or, for those who have been chastised by the Church saying that sex is evil, that you are horrible if you have had premarital sex. Because of all of the shame sitting around sex, and, because we can’t escape the fact that we are sexual beings, we participate in the closet activities of pornography, strip clubs and even prostitution. And, this is why we don’t believe God when he tells us that Sex is good. Our experiences indicate otherwise.

If the Bible is true that the Holy Spirit is called the well of life, then why doesn’t sex bring us life? The Holy Spirit is the creative power that brings life into us. The Bible teaches us that Sex creates life (which the Spirit would have to be at work there). But, also, sex unites life by bringing together two people and making them one (so the Holy Spirit would have to be at work there). While, the Bible doesn’t present a strong case against Pre-Marital sex (Church History does), there is a lot of wisdom in saying that it’s probably not good for my spirit and soul to allow constant battling spirits within me. Therefore, one should probably wait until marriage to have it. At least this is what I tell my sorry single self.

When God is present in Sex, we are able to participate in an extremely human act. And, what do all human beings desire? The desire to love, and, be loved. The desire to know, and, be known. The desire to long, and, to belong. All of which of these are met in life. We are intimately longed for. We are intimately known. We are intimately loved. God is able to use his Spirit (The comforter) to reconcile shames and insecurities, known and not known to us. God is able to bring two people to unity to create life within each of them (both emotionally and physiologically), and, obviously, to create life born out of them.

When God is not present in Sex, we find the degrading of human beings, in the most detrimental way. Psychologists agree that the hardest addictions to kick, are sexual addictions. Psychologists agree that the most damaging experience in life, is sexual abuse, because, it destroys all forms of intimacy, trust and the ability to experience pleasure. Sex, therefore, becomes a mean for one person, or both people, to find a means to an end. A singular, satisfactory release, and, a selfish act, rather than the selfless act of meeting another persons desires. Sex like this, creates levels of shame and feelings of unworthiness.

I don’t know much about Sex, but, it appears to me, that God likes it, and, desires it for humans, as a means to produce more and better human beings.

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10 thoughts on “God in sex

  1. This is great man. Having myself been chastised by the Church for the making the bad decision to have sex outside of marriage I can relate to those who feel shame in association with sex. Yet I believe that the way to solve this “shame” is to remember that our lives are not defined by a bad choice such as that one but rather by the condition of our relationship to God. It took so long for me to finally get that but once I did the shame that “Church people” tried to cast off on me was no longer there. The Spirit is the only being which should cause any kind of “shame” and even in those situations the Spirit “shames” so that you will return to God. I wish I had waited, but God’s forgiveness extends even into the sexual realm. While I can never take back what happened, I can remember that Christ defines who I am not my hits and misses.

  2. I am with you that the Bible doesn’t seem to say premarital sex is wrong, however it suggests that sex is such an intimate thing that it is not to be thrown around – that its deep effect on the soul of both individuals makes it best suited for marriage.

    As someone who works with teenagers and young adults (in treatment for substance abuse issues) the understanding of sex you describe is not anywhere near their radar screen. It is that act of release for selfish reasons. And they don’t see the unbelievable damage they are inflicting…

  3. I guess the ‘no sex outside marriage’ teaching is derived from biblical principles, rather than read from proof texts. Here I’m thinking of the ‘one flesh’ teaching from Genesis 2 that the New Testament builds on – both Jesus and, in this case, Paul in 1 Corinthians. It’s the notion that ‘sex is covenantal, not merely recreational’, as I heard someone put it recently.

    None of that condones the tone of condemnation found in some church circles (for which I think there is a whole host of reasons, some psychological and emotional as well as theological), but it does hint at why what we do sexually affects us and others so deeply.

  4. peterchristensen says:

    Hey man,

    I think you approach this subject with the best of intentions, and you speak some truth here. But since when is the Bible not making a strong case against pre-marital sex? When I read Paul’s epistles he seems to speak out against sexual immorality and lustful desires time and time again. In some translations, it actually forbids “fornication”, which is actually defined as sex between a man and a woman outside of marriage. Also, we see in the ten commandments that God commands us not to commit adultery. It appears to me that the church tradition was on to something, and I’m sure they got their tradition from the Word itself when it all began.

    • mfries05 says:

      Hey Peter,
      thanks for your reply. I am but I am not disagreeing with you. There are many warnings eluding to the dangers of sexual immorality, that’s where I find and affirm the historical Church tradition of not engaging in pre-marital sex. As far as a strong direct indication, there isn’t much there. However, I do think it is extremely unwise, and, I treat sin as an “existential epidemic”. Sin is something that destroys peace…. I can think of all types of sexual acts that destroys our peace.

  5. peterchristensen says:

    “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

    Here we have Paul saying that those who are sexually immoral (among others) will not inherit the kingdom of God. That sounds direct enough for me. It seems like we all agree that any form of sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman is wrong, so I guess I just don’t understand your need to stress your interpretation of the Bible that says it isn’t directly condemning the act. I’m afraid when you mention that the Bible doesn’t make a strong case against pre-marital sex, but that church history does, you’re giving some sort of loophole for immature people who read that to say, “well I can have pre-marital sex, cuz this guy told me it’s not in the Bible”. To me, there’s clearly a “case against pre-marital sex” right there in 1 Corinthians, and that’s not the only place that it is addressed. I’m not trying to convince you to believe this, because it seems like you’ve read these passages and have you mind made up, but I’m more concerned for people who haven’t processed this as much as you and I and would jump at the chance to engage in pre-marital sexual relations if they think it isn’t against the rules. I would simply ask you, what have you to gain by preaching that the Bible doesn’t make a strong case against pre-marital sex when we can all agree that it’s not what God wants for us?

    You would have a far easier time arguing that the Bible doesn’t present a strong case for using cocaine or any other narcotic. It’s not in there is it? But does that mean using recreational drugs is okay, just because there isn’t a strong Biblical case against it? Of course not. We can find plenty of verses that would support an argument against it, but nothing that directly says, “Thou shalt not snort cocaine”. So what kind of ambassador for Christ would I be if went around telling the world, “It doesn’t say that you can’t do drugs in the Bible. Only the church tells us not to. Oh yeah, and the law.” I would argue that that is what you’re doing when you make your statement about the Bible not making a case against pre-marital sex in the Bible, and yet, I still think it actually does.

    Please don’t take my argument personally. I get a bit passionate about the Bible, and I enjoy debating with you.

    Peace be with you.

    • mfries05 says:

      Thanks again for your reply Peter,
      I also take the Bible extremely seriously. I think for me, the passage you posted does not directly face pre-marital sex, but, rather, the Kingdom of God, and, us inheriting it. If I go back to my thought of sin, as “existential epidemic”, then sin will disturb us, and, if it doesn’t, then we are so disturbed that we are blind to our own disturbance.

      The Bible can by any means create loopholes for anyone, you can make arguments for/against anything. So for me, it is rather a case of wisdom and existential and communal freedom. Do I think pre-marital sex is wise? No. Does the Bible directly condemn it? No.

      I would challenge anyone who is having pre-marital sex to look at the reality of their life. Do they love this person? Or, do they lust for them? Are you desiring union with them (which is what sex is meant to create)? Or, are you seeking an orgasm?

      For Jesus, the rules that we are setting (potentially pre-marital sex), can protect us consequently (STD’s, Wedlock Births, etc….) but, not so much, existentially. For Jesus, internal purity (where the Kingdom of God would reign), is more important for Jesus.

  6. Xtine says:

    Just to clarify – when you speak of God – you are speaking of the Christian God with access through the Christian Holy Spirit… so – all non Christians having healthy, happy sex – in or outside of marriage – are they experiencing sex sanctioned by the Christian God – or sex sanctioned by a Higher Power God – or sex sanctioned by the Christian opposite of God – Satan – or whatever liberal Christians are calling Satan these days? What do you make of two atheists having happy, healthy pre-marital sex? How does this fit inside this God-Spirit-filled sex equation?

    • mfries05 says:

      That’s a great question,
      I believe that we are all, in some degree, intimately connected with God. That if God is love, and, those Atheists love each other, they may not call it God, but, it is God working through them for that person. I don’t think that it is us who loves each other, but, it is God who is loving me through that person. This is the significance of the Incarnation. I think that Jesus is the name by which we are saved, that he is our saving grace, but, it is hardwired in us to know, love and long for others, just as we desire that same back. I think God is working in all things and making all things new.

      • Xtine says:

        So if 2 atheists have happy, healthy pre-marital sex but don’t necessarily “love” each other – where does that fall on the God-sanctioned sex spectrum? Is it possible to have happy, healthy consensual sex without love? Or is happy, healthy consensual sex “love”? What if people just really “like” each other and have happy, healthy pre-marital sex – is this God-sanctioned if their like has not progressed to love? Or is happy, healthy respectful pre-marital consensual sex between two people in the like, or even the lust stage of a relationship – more sinful, less God-sanctioned, than between 2 people who “love” each other? What about 2 married Christians who don’t love each other but have sex because they are horny and they don’t have any other outlet?

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