The more time I spend on this earth, the more I realize how wrong we get it, how wrong I get it. When I look at the first story of human beings in the Bible, Adam and Eve, their first sin was not that they ate the apple but the fact that they wanted to be or have the knowledge of God. Being human wasn’t enough. We had to have more. Our spiritual journey is about climbing mountains, building towers and walls, and becoming bigger, better and stronger. If there is anything that the story of Adam and Eve teaches us, it is not to move up but continue to move down.
It seems to me that God is not interested in me being him, he is interested in me being me. When I try to move up by “gaining knowledge” “status” or “appeal”, which none of this is bad and can actually be helpful, but it has nothing to do with growing in God. Growing in God, as it seems to me, is letting go of my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own identity and saying to God “Its really painful being human. Will you love me? Will you direct me towards my humanity?” This journey has brought me on the most painful journey’s. Ones where I myself have contemplated ending my life. Ones where I am in the midst of radical suffering around me, through my friends or whoever I am in contact with. But, as I have found the necessary healing in life, I have found how beautiful life is. How I don’t need anything more than God and what is in front of me. Even in my own poverty and in the presence of others poverty, it does not disturb me anymore. I don’t want to change it. In fact, I have even begun embracing it. As I heard Richard Rohr once say “There is no loss, just transformation.” That statement has been the truest statement of my life the past several years. There are no wasted moments in life, just transformation.
When I try to move up I begin losing my humanity. When I judge others to put them in their “proper place” and me in mine, I am just trying to move up. When I use others to get ahead, I push them down and move myself up. When I walk by the abused, the homeless, the forgotten, I move myself up. I lose my humanity and consequently I begin losing God too. I lose awareness of his presence around me. I am in absence of God, which growing up was told to me as the definition of Hell.
Mike Friesen is not God.
Mike Friesen is human.
This is the only spiritual transformation I know.