I get this, the victimizer won’t forgive the victim. I have hurt people in my past. Some of them very badly. In a group at Christian recovery several years ago when the topic was what we found it difficult to forgive. Most said themselves, some said those who had harmed them. But for me it was most difficult for me to forgive a victim of my anger and abuse. There was for a long time after the relationship ended that I on an unconscious level blamed her for the abusive, violent person I was. Almost like, “How dare you let me be that person!” kind of mentality. I projected my guilt, which I fully own, back on the victim. I think we do it all the time, “She pushes my buttons, ” etc, when we make excuses, come up with rationales for why we acted so badly. Even after I killed off that abusive person, I still hadn’t forgiven the victim and couldn’t even see that I hadn’t or that forgiving was even necessary.
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