I have found that many people say what is important in dealing with death that what is to remember the good times. I have often found this to be an escape from the painful reality of death, a way of numbing what is really there. In dealing with something that is so painful, we must take notice of what is dying inside of us. The indication of the dying piece, is the indication of something that they gave us that made us feel alive. It is the regret of a failed relationship. Where life was once taken, or was never given but could have been. Or the pain of never seeing a life produce the life it had.
To assess the shape of the wound, we must assess the shape of the life that was given to us. I now believe that remembering the good times is an important part of the grieving process, as it allows us to put a shape to the pain we feel. Once must place the image of beauty over the image of pain. One must remember the image of hope and joy, over the grief and despair. We must remember the spirit of their life, in order to receive the life they gave. One must receive the life they had, in order to receive the healing for the wound.
This, is the tragic beauty of death. On some cosmic scale, it unites, bonds, and creates a tender heart that is receives life, hope and beauty…. if one doesn’t become cynical and jaded in the process. This is the hope of death, that it doesn’t end but it begins a new stream, a new path to life. The path to life goes through the wound. The greater the wound, the greater the life. This is the hope we must find in periods of hopeless times. This is the promise of death, that it will release us when we find its shape. Then it will release its grip, only to overflow the wound with life.
So remember the good times. Remember the good times, so we can be present to life giving wound.