I love Adam Sandler movies. In his first “mature” role, he played a man named Sonny Koufax, in the movie Big Daddy. Here is one of my favorite scenes, but serves as a reality for many men.
What I love about this sequence is that it shows that the wound is always in the shape of the wounder. And, the person hurting will always hurt others the way they have been hurt. My guess is the idea behind generational sin; we just continue passing our junk from one generation to the next. Unfortunately, as men, we have not been given the space to be accepted as wounded. Being a vulnerable man is not exactly a desirable trait among other men. Many of us have learned how to fix or avoid problems with psychological treatments, addictions, big outbursts of anger. We have not learned to love or even accept the wound. It is when we learn to love and accept the wounds of ourselves, then we can even learn to forgive, love, and accept our own fathers. As it is with all people, we hate what we see in them, because we know it is true of us. When we learn to forgive it in ourselves, forgiving it in them becomes an easy battle. Hopefully we can realize that our fathers did their best, and they are really not that bad of guys (obviously some relationships are beyond reconciliation).
Unfortunately, most men know very little about spirituality. Wounds are not fixed (which is where we men get in trouble), but endured. This is the unfortunate reality we find ourselves in as Christian men. Until we learn how to endure our crucifixion, we have not earned the wisdom, the hope, the peace of the resurrection. We cannot find life, until we have first endured death.