Sexuality As Oneness Pt.1

One of the most beautiful images of human relationship in the Bible is what happens when two people have sex. There is this beautiful fusion between the two people. Two people participating in intercourse become one. They are connected in mind, body, and soul. There is something overwhelmingly captivating about human intimacy when we can know each other so deeply. We penetrate through each other’s entire being and share something with one another.

This is why sex can never happen between two individuals. Philosopher Martin Buber made the point that human evil expands when people aren’t able to operate out of an I-Thou relationship. When we fail to think beyond ourselves, our urges, our temptations, then sexuality becomes one of the most powerful mechanisms to dehumanization. Now we can imagine why things like sexual abuse and trafficking subject the victim to the greatest form of human brokenness. They become one with a violent perpetrator, who couldn’t care less about the psychological and emotional torture that they are bringing upon this person. When sexuality is not considered in the mindset of oneness, then they are using one another as a means to an end. This person is the object of my gratification.

This sacred oneness is a powerful connection that has the ability to destroy human beings, or to create the most powerful bond between two people. This bond has the ability to break our lives, or it has the ability to create life (both in the sense of procreation and in the sense of a spiritual growing activity). My curiosity, as a not-yet-married person, what does oneness look like?

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4 thoughts on “Sexuality As Oneness Pt.1

  1. Are you on Google+? We’ve been talking about sexuality recently, looking at the theme of connection and Genesis 2 (and it includes a non-tynsdale reading of Gen 2). You should be in on those conversations.

  2. Victoria says:

    I often admire the way you tackle subjects which would not normally be found on a Christian blog. Human sexuality is such a driving force in who we are, it’s a mystery why it’s not discussed more among believers.

    In my own view, the essence of sexuality and the act of intercourse are two entirely separate things, often misunderstood because each person’s experience is unique and ever-changing. Sexuality may be one of the most important aspects our identity…of what makes us tick, and yet we take it for granted, or worse, treat the subject as taboo in conversation. (We’re doing it, we just don’t want to talk about it.)

    After all the reading and theorizing and pondering, the way one expresses, or lives as a sexual being is a combination of simple biology, and culture – how you were raised and how you respond to societal influences at a certain point in history. In a married couple, the combination of the two different aspects, masculine and feminine, creates a balance.

    Intercourse, the act, as it relates to intimacy and bonding is unpredictable each and every time. Emotional and spiritual fulfillment depends on countless factors, not the least of which is expectations. A few other factors include gender differences and preferences, age, physical and emotional maturity, the state of one’s mental and physical health, your partner, your accumulated knowledge of the mechanics of having sex, your sensitivity to your partner’s needs and their interpretation of your needs, and so on. Perhaps the most important factor in creating intimacy is the maturity of the relationship as a whole. What lies beneath the passion. The foundation.

    When we’re young we imagine that every act of coming together physically will achieve this connection that you speak of and long for. It’s not the case. For example, once careers and children come into the mix, couples are often just too darn tired to have sex, let alone reach spiritual heights. Can you imagine a time when you’ll have the opportunity, but sleep looks far more attractive?

    Another thing is that couples are often mismatched in their sexual appetites and preferences. Good sex doesn’t just happen. There’s a lot of negotiating as relationships mature. Real life interferes, pushing you off that cloud of euphoria. This is where your commitment to the relationship as a whole comes into play. Are you willing to work and sacrifice for a satisfying sex life for you and your partner, or do you just expect it to happen on its own, or worse, leave it up to your partner to fix? These are things young people can’t imagine. Blame it on the intensity of youth.

    The act of intercourse does not create an indestructible bond between two people. It is perhaps the weakest bond of all. Time and shared experiences create oneness. Equal commitment and shared efforts create oneness. Shared painful events and common victories create oneness. Being equally yoked spiritually creates oneness. Most of all, forgiveness, humility, and forbearance creates oneness. Unconditional love.

    What does oneness look like? I often feel sorry for people who give up on relationships after a few years of struggle. All the good stuff…the really good stuff…comes later. Sometimes much later.

    True intimacy isn’t a gift you unwrap on Christmas morning. It’s something that comes when you least expect to find it. When you haven’t tossed in the towel, and you’ve honored that vow of “for better or worse,” you’ll increasingly have those delicate moments when you look across the room at your partner and a certain kind of rush comes over you, a rush of intimacy that says “Hey! We stuck it out. And it was worth it.”

    And they’re looking back and you know they’re thinking and feeling the same exact thing. There is nothing that comes close to that very private moment.

    You said it.

    “There is something overwhelmingly captivating about human intimacy when we can know each other so deeply. We penetrate through each other’s entire being and share something with one another.”

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