Augustine once wrote, “God make me chaste… but not yet.” I often laugh at this quotes because secretly I am praying the same prayer. America places a lot of importance upon sexuality. It is one of our main means of marketing, manipulation, and media. When comedies like No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits come out, you can tell, especially with my generation, that we are deeply accommodating to casual sex. But, if sex is human oneness as the Bible and our Christian tradition tell us, then can there be something like casual sex?
I think that sex begins happening far before intercourse. If two people are going to enter into the bedroom in the commencement of becoming one, then there was so powerful inertia that was moving them in that direction. Sexual oneness happens in the power of vulnerability, when two people begin to share the most intimate and secretive parts of their being. Sex between partners begins to happen when they are able to share their deepest, darkest secrets, motives, and agendas. Sex between people happens when they are able to express all of who they are. Sex happens in our greatest arguments. Sex happens when we can laugh at and with one another. Sex happens in the shedding of our tears over our wounds. Sex happens when we are working together to unify our hearts, our minds, our souls, and our missions in service with and for the other person. This is why I know so many married couples are having sinful sex. They are so defensive, secretive, and have not found the vulnerability to find true oneness with the person they married.
There is so much that can happen under the son. There is a season for everything. And, until we have lived all seasons of life, is it even safe having sex with another person? And, if we have lived in every season of life with a person, at that point, shouldn’t we be capable of deciding whether this person is worth spending the rest of our lives with? Marriage is far from sexy, but in terms of its relationship with sexuality, it brings people together legally, but it should offer them the safety of two people committing to becoming one.